We became such good friends so quickly that he knew everything about me, he knew me better than I did. And I let him in quicker than anyone. I was just a girl who belonged to someone else. A girl who dreamt of a happy ending with "the one". But life had another plan for me. I was all set and ready to pick up and move to California with my husband when he opened my eyes to what I was about to do. I was about to throw my life away for someone who didn't care where I ended up and if I ended up happy with myself. With his help I was able to untie the blindfold and see in a different light. I'm only 19 years old and I have a long way to go before I meet "the one" and for all I know it could be him. But he along with others have made me realize that I need to be happy with and without someone.
It was so casual something that I didn't even realize, you know, the starring at each other from across the room, sending pictures from across the room, sending jokes from across the room, just giving each other that glance waiting for the other to get the joke. I started to realize that I wanted/needed to tell him everything. If something funny happened in my life I had to tell him right away, and I didn't know why. But then, I always wanted to see him, and if I didn't it wasn't a good day. I told myself then that it was only because we were such good friends little did I know that I was falling in love with my bestfriend. We let months ago by, I let months go by before I realized what I really wanted for myself. I didn't want to be with my husband, I knew all along that I was too young to be somebody's wife. I needed to be more committed to myself before I could ever be that committed to someone.
I remember sending him messages to meet me at our favorite spot (the bay) and he'd always be there, no questions asked. And the night of our graduation at 1am I was with him rather than my husband, I was with him til 3 in the morning and he just listened to everything I had to say. When I got home I finally had the talk with my husband, that I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't be what he wanted me to be and surprisingly, he took it very well. I didn't jump the gun with the other guy, at least I hope I didn't. But he was there to listen to the events that transpired.
A little bit of time went on and I thought that's all that I needed was time, I was just confused and thought that I had feelings for my bestfriend because of the state that I was in. But I was far from wrong, I had fallen in love with him in just 4 months. We were/are so much a like it's scary. We're the same person and I guess I thought to myself "I think I just love the idea of him", I tried my hardest to just push away whatever feelings I had until I just couldn't even hide them anymore.
I told him how I felt and it all went from there. Our first kiss, our first date, our first time. And what was so different is I didn't have to give myself up before he told me he loved me. Before I knew I loved him. And I guess all we could do is just give it time. A little bit of time went on and I just fell more in love with him. And even though it wasn't my first time it felt as if it were. I heard in a movie once that your first time with someone is still your first time and it should be special, and it was. I could never put into words how much I care about him. 24 months ago he was just a guy I parked next to, 24 months later he's the guy I can't stop thinking about, and as mushy as it sounds he's the guy whose hand I just cannot wait to hold.
Maybe our "love" moved quickly, actually it moved very quickly. One day I tell him how I felt the next was our first date, so on, and so on. But whatever this is, whatever it was, I'm happy we happened. And I don't know if I believe in soulmates and maybe with time I will, but I know that's what you'll give me is time. Time to become my own person, time to grow, and time to think. But here's to bigger and better things, and the time I get to spend with you.
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